Lesson Learned

December 17 – Lesson Learned

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

(Author: Tara Weaver)

I was complaining again. I was tired of being taken advantage of and tired of people mistaking my "niceness" for "meekness." I was starting to think I had a sign on my back that said, Please overwhelm me with all of your crap. I love crap, so I'll take it.

Then he snapped me out of my woe-is-me mode, "Amy," he said, "You're an important person. Start acting like one."

He was right. And that's one of the biggest lessons I have learned this year: I am important. The truth is, maybe I was a little meek. I somehow equated saying yes and being agreeable with pleasing people and therefore, people liking me. But in reality, I was turning into a doormat. I was making myself useful and invisible. I used to put everyone else before me, and I never wanted to speak up for myself. Because, really, who was I? A young, smiling, idealist, with nothing important to contribute to the world.

I got the opportunity to talk to someone who interviewed me for an internship a few years ago (an internship that I did not get offered). While explaining why he picked another candidate over me, he noted that I did not "talk-up" or even acknowledge my qualifications nearly enough. I was just as qualified as everyone else, if not more so. But I didn't bother to let anyone else know during the interview. I ended up finding a wonderful internship, and after that, a wonderful job but that conversation stuck with me. What was I putting out into the world? Whatever is was, it wasn't translating well and it surely wasn't benefiting me.

It was hard for me to feel important-- especially as a newly licensed, recent grad school graduate, with a brand new job. What if I came off as arrogant? What if I offended people? What if *gasp* I couldn't get every single person to like me? But I took some good advice and started acting more important. I asserted myself a little more and I expressed my thoughts more. To my surprise, no one confessed their hatred for me and darn it, don't you know that I started to feel more important? With that feeling came confidence, not arrogance.

So yes, world: I'm important. I'm intelligent and I'm damn good at my job. I will love you with all of my heart if you are worthy, and wow- you're lucky if you're worthy. I'm a loyal friend and a good person. I will speak up and express myself, because what I have to say is important. I do not think I'm better than you, but I certainly do not think that I'm less than you. I've traveled you, Mr. World and I think that travel has offered me many experiences that are relevant. I am relevant.

This will all be a continual process. I still have many days where I feel "less than" and I still catch myself staying quiet and being agreeable at my own expense. I have to remind myself that the world deserves my best, most authentic self-- my important self. It's that important self that can give back to the world in the best of ways.